


I Wanted To Be Solo

by littleredtriskelion



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Derek's back, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt Stiles, M/M, star wars references - cause Stiles is a giant nerd and can't express his feelings any other way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 10:34:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7570843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleredtriskelion/pseuds/littleredtriskelion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles knows his dad's kidding, he really does, but this time it doesn't feel very funny - so he seeks comfort where there should be none, and finds exactly what he needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wanted To Be Solo

He knew his dad didn't mean it. Of course his dad didn't mean it, he was just being snarky, the same trait he'd unwittingly taught Stiles from the moment he could talk.

  
But the words still eroded at the worst of his insecurities, reminding him that in the end, he's never enough. Not brave enough, or fast enough, or strong enough.

  
Never good _enough._

  
_Thank you son I should have had._

  
Before Stiles knew where he was going, the old - and once again abandoned - apartment building loomed in front of him, and he was reminded of yet another time he wasn't quite good enough. Still, the hurt wasn't enough to stop him getting out of the jeep and walking up the familiar steps, feeling oddly comforted by the sight of the rusting door.

  
Then again, maybe it wasn't that odd, since the wolf that used to be behind that door had saved his life more times than he could count.

  
He couldn't even keep himself out of danger right, his dad would be better off with Scott as his kid, who only ever seemed to be in danger when Stiles was also involved.

  
Too late, he realised he didn't have a key, but the door slid open with the lightest tug and Stiles started to wonder if maybe Derek had just invested in a new lock the loft may have been the safe haven he'd intended it to be. Although, Derek clearly hadn't done that bad a job of establishing it as one, considering why Stiles was there.

  
He sighed, stepping inside and sliding the door shut once more with a satisfying clunk. There had never been that much decoration, yet somehow the loft still managed to look empty while all of its furnishing remained.

  
_"Can't you just get some cushions or something, Derek? Come on, a couch and a table does not a cool home make."_

_"You just want to throw them at Scott, I'm not buying cushions Stiles. Or anything. The place is fine as it is."_

Stiles hadn't made a big deal of it when there was a new rug in the loft a week later, but he knew Derek had heard his point, and he smiled wistfully as he looked over at it now. "Stupid rug," he grumbled, turning away from it when he felt his vision start to blur. 

He trudged towards the couch, only dust and maybe spiders for company, before flopping down with a tired groan, sprawling against the creaking leather. Derek had been gone for months, and since there'd been no word from him, they had assumed this time his absence was for good. The idea wasn't as appealing as it would've sounded when he was 16. "How things change, huh Sourwolf?" He asked the air, trying not to feel bitter that Braeden had succeeded where he had epically failed. "Don't know what else I expected. Badass mercenary or clumsy idiot? I know who I'd pick," he muttered, unable to mask the bitterness as he reached the root of his problem. 

"It's not fair you know. You can't just...you can't just Han Solo me like that and then leave, okay? I'm supposed to be Han Solo, but you freaking Leia'd me, you asshole. And now I'm stuck here and you're off exploring all of space and whatever in your badass Millennium Falcon and...yeah, the metaphor's gone too far now. The point is you can't just _do that_. You can't...you can't make me..." Despite his rambling, and the fact no one was there to here him, Stiles still stammered over saying the L word out loud. Once he said it out loud he couldn't take it back. He could admit that he loved Derek in his head all he liked, but saying it out loud...that held a kind of power Stiles wasn't sure he wanted to use yet. Stiles heard a soft creak, but ignored it as he rambled on to imaginary Derek.

  
"I mean, I'm not stupid. I knew you'd never...you wouldn't pick me. No one does. That's not even self pitying, it's just...Lydia picked Jackson then Aiden and now she's best buds with Parrish, Scott picked Allison and now Kira, you picked Braeden...I'm a life long spare tire. I mean, I had Malia, but even that...I ruined that. I ruined that from the start. I didn't love her, not that way anyway, which wasn't fair, but she didn't love me either. Not really. Although, not that I...I mean, Scott's a whole different thing, I've never been into Scott, but you get the point. My own best friend won't answer my calls 9 times out of 10."

  
"I just want someone to pick me cause they really want me, you know? Well...that's a lie. I want you to pick me because you really want me, but that's not exactly gonna happen while you're travelling the world with Braeden," he corrected himself. Not that he didn't dream of Derek coming back and pulling him into his arms, like the cover of some crappy romance novel. But, he was a realist at heart.

  
"You know it wasn't even...I loved the Lydia I had in my head. I know that now. I loved what I made her to be, that was the girl I wanted to be with. But I didn't do that with you. I just...I wanted you so bad. I wanted everything about you, and it's driving me crazy, because I can't even tell myself that what I felt wasn't real. Because it was. God, Derek, it was so real and now you're just _gone_." Stiles sighed, tiredly scrubbing his hands over his face. He felt better for telling the dust his issues, although now he was just drained. Maybe he could take a nap before he went home, it wasn't like there was anyone here he could bother by staying. 

Unless there was.

  
"Are you done?"

  
Stiles' fatigue was chased away in an instant, and he fell off the couch in his rush to stand up, his heart hammering in his chest as he looked over at the stairs.

  
Derek stood on the last step, looking like he'd never left. He seemed more relaxed than Stiles had ever seen him, his hip leaning against the railing with his arms crossed loosely over his chest - not trying to be intimidating, just comfortable. Stiles was sure he could see a few tendrils of grey starting to form in his beard, but that could easily just be a trick of the light.

  
"You're...oh God, you must have...I'm sorry," Stiles blurted, and did whatever self respecting person would do in that moment.

  
He turned and ran for the door. 

He'd forgotten that Derek was infuriatingly faster. 

"Hey," Derek was ridiculously gentle as he reached for Stiles' wrist to tug him back, only a few paces from the door. Stiles couldn't look at him, his gaze stuck to the floor, his heart refusing to slow down as he waited for the storm to start. 

"What happened?" 

Stiles startled at the question, meeting Derek's concerned gaze with confusion. Shouldn't Derek be angry? He'd broken into his apartment, he'd said all those things...he was pretty sure Derek was supposed to be angry with him. 

"I'm assuming you don't make a habit of breaking into places and talking to people you think aren't there, Stiles. So what happened?" Derek gently prodded, giving Stiles' wrist a reassuring squeeze since he still held it. 

"My....my dad made a stupid joke. That's all it was, a stupid joke, and I knew it but I just...I felt so bad and I was just driving and I ended up here and...I mean, I figured it would be empty, I didn't mean to intrude or whatever. I'll just go now," Stiles said finally, trying to tug his wrist out of Derek's grasp and getting no where. Just because he was gentle didn't mean he wasn't strong.

Derek simply watched Stiles for a moment, emotions flashing in his eyes that Stiles couldn't quite discern. "You're wrong, you know."

"About what?" 

"About me not picking you."

Stiles' heart wasn't sure if it should sink or skip or stop altogether. "Braeden would probably disagree. Where is she anyway?"

"Not here." 

"That's not exactly an answer."

"It's the only one that matters. She's not here. We weren't...it wasn't like that. I didn't pick her and she didn't pick me. We just...we just happened. It was never going to last, Stiles, it wasn't supposed to. I was always going to come back and she was always going to keep going."

"Why?" 

"Because she picked a life where she doesn't have to pick and the one I picked is right here."

Stiles just stared at Derek for a moment, not quite able to comprehend what he was saying, before shoving at the wolf's chest. The grip on his wrist was gone, his skin tingling in the sudden cold as Derek took a step back. "Stop it! Stop doing that!" 

"Doing what?" 

"You're Leia-ing me again!" 

His heart traitorously fluttered at the faint smirk playing at Derek's lips. "I know."

Stiles helplessly spluttered, staring incredulously at the clearly amused wolf. "You're such an _asshole_ ," he reminded him, before rushing forward and jumping into Derek's arms, winding his legs around the older man's waist as he pressed a bruising kiss to his lips. Thankfully, Derek seemed to have been prepared for his outcome, since he caught Stiles like it was a move they had practised thousands of times and was more than eager to kiss him back, making Stiles' toes curl as he shamelessly lost himself in Derek. 

"Never leave me again," Stiles murmured breathlessly when he finally forced himself to pull away, lightly resting his forehead against Derek's. "You leave this town, you take me with you."

"Deal." 


End file.
